Hummeroid n. 1. An extremely irritating condition that consists of a having a Hummer riding your ass while driving. 2. The person driving the FUV that is tailgating you.
aggrichvation n. The aggravation of having to deal with the rich. aggrichvated —adj.
greenfield n. A tract of as-yet undeveloped land; a premier site for development. e.g., The scenic and historic farm field at the Bridgehampton Historical Society’s Corwith House. Antonym brownfield.
McMansion farm n. A subdivision of too-big houses crammed together on too-small lots.
labor tourist n. A person who lives in one country but works in another. See four footer.
watershed Landscaping. n. The art of producing lush green lawns through over-watering and over-fertilizing solely in order to justify a minimum of two lawn cuttings per week through November. See irrigation system.
construction screw n. A poorly trained, unprofessional or otherwise incompetent tradesman or subcontractor who fails to show up for work, overcharges, steals building materials, does a terrible job, sleeps on the job, etc.
Chevy subdivision See wheel estate.
hampster n. A small and relatively insignificant rodent, active during the summer months, that leaves a trail of waste and garbage around its burrow and the watering holes it frequents. e.g., A tenant in a share house in the Hamptons.
slaughterhouse n. A singles bar where the patrons are desperate.
hicnic n. A white trash barbecue.
cattle car n. A commuter bus for CIDIOTS.
jitnoid n. A Hampton Jitney commuter.
megacottage n. 1. An absurdly large weekend house; a McMansion. 2. A self-defeating ‘get-away’ house that requires substantial expense for operation and maintenance. See pig-out.
privet sector n. The estate section, where privacy is assured by immaculately pruned towering privet hedges, often 16 feet or more in height.
hostage negotiator n. A homeowner or developer who holds a contractor captive with a promise of payment for services previously completed, but only after additional work has been performed.
master of the universe n. 1. The self-image of a person who has just purchased or rented a vacation house in the Hamptons. 2. A person who is utterly incapable of doing their own laundry.
blue chipper n. A person of substantial wealth who negotiates the purchase of even the least expensive objects.
economy class syndrome n. 1. A debilitating condition caused by the inability to pay full or even fair price for any purchase. 2. The tendency of a wealthy person to aggressively negotiate the cost of all goods and services.
beggar’s waltz n. An involuntary and often impromptu form of theater, performed on demand and often without rehearsal, usually in an effort to get paid for work that one has completed. See Jaffe’s First Law.
degradation ceremony n. An important part of class interaction in society, in which lower classes are labeled as inferior and subjected to humiliation. e.g., Verbally abusing store clerks, waiters, personal staff, employees and others as a demonstration of one’s wealth, power and social status. See mobile.
emotional detonation n. A sudden, spontaneous and often unanticipated verbal and or physical explosion triggered by severe mental anguish or physical discomfort.
Angri-la n. 1. A weekend retreat for the never satisfied. 2. A vacation house or summer rental that is too expensive to enjoy. 3. The Hamptons during the summer, when tens of thousands of CIDIOTS and self-styled MASTERS OF THE UNIVERSE aggressively compete for parking spaces, restaurant reservations, coffee at Starbucks, a copy of the Sunday New York Times, etc.
silly season n. The period of time between Memorial Day and Labor Day, when the population of CIDIOTS in the Hamptons quintuples.
